The Hardest Part About Living Abroad

Cleveland Skyline from Chapin Forest Park

The other day I was listening to one of my favorite songs, Skyline Drive by Mae. Whenever I listen to it I imagine summer nights and driving around the suburbs of Cleveland with my windows down. I imagine that summer night smell when you are just sitting outside and staring up at the stars. It put me in a melancholy mood. While I living in Russia can't drive a car to drive around and I can't sit on my parents' back porch. It really got me thinking about the hardest part about living in another country. For me, it's nostalgia. Yes, coming to a country where you aren't familiar with the language or the customs is hard, but that can all be learned. You can learn to speak the language and you can learn to adapt to the culture. It may take some time, but it will eventually happen. Unless, you're me and you can't seem to grasp the Russian language.

For me nostalgia is hard to deal with. You can't learn it, you can only try to deal with it. I am one of those people who lives in the past. I revere the past. I put it on a pedestal. I often forget that my darkest days of depression are now in my past. Maybe my idolization of the past is why I love history so much.

I deal with homesickness a lot especially around the holidays. I get nostalgic for Christmas with my family. The other day I was walking around IKEA and it reminded me of decorating former apartments and bedrooms. It thought about the time I went to IKEA with my friend Haley and having a craft date afterwards. For the next week I was really homesick. I was convinced I couldn't stay in Russia anymore.

In a way, I guess, you can learn to deal with the homesickness if you are willing. On the other hand, I also think nostalgia and homesickness are different. They are related but different. There are things that you can do to deal with being homesick. You can talk to family and find things to do. Nostalgia, though, comes out of no where and hits you like a ton of bricks. You can't fix nostalgia because it lives in the past. Unless you have a time machine, you'll never really be able to fill that desire for the past.

I don't necessarily think this feeling is explicitly linked to living abroad. This happened to me in college, after college, and I'm sure I will one day be nostalgic for Russia. I still don't know how to accurately deal with it, but I usually try to tell myself that I'm not thinking clearly or I'm too emotional at the moment. As I get older I fear nostalgia will become more protrusive because I will have had more of the past to remember, but maybe it will get easier because I'll become wiser as I age. At least that's what I imagine will happen to me.

Do you get nostalgic? How do you deal with it?